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,"so like I said before..."
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[31 Aug 2004|12:40pm] |
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Just a side note. I'm still pissed as hell about everything.
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[23 Aug 2004|08:49pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
] |
Wednesday night:
1. My friend Ian from Baltimore will be in town. SHIT'S going to hit the fucking fan. Awwww yeah...
2. The kids and I will hit up the dnb night...
3. I have work at 6 in the morning...
Lately:
1. It's not sweater weather anymore and it makes me sad.
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| Adventures in Stalking |
[18 Aug 2004|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Death Cab for Cutie - Photobooth |
] |
Working in the office is agitating. Calming when all I want is to stare blankly at the screen, but agitating when there is nothing on the screen. Often, there is nothing on the screen. Across the street from me is a cute girl who works away on an eMac. She used to turn around and stare back at me, but I think she is just scared now. Most of the time I stare at her, I'm using the telephoto lense on my camera. I should take pictures of her, but there might be legal reprecussions then.
Myspace, Friendster, the countless porno shots I leave as screen savers so when I'm on my breaks, the people across the street can further deduce that I am a pervert.
Seriously though, I've been obsessing over my ex-girlfriend. The break-up was ugly, and as far as knew, the relationship was pretty bad. I kept all her letters, because thats what I do. I reread them, because thats what I'm supposed to do. I cried thinking that I must've been entirely stupid throughout our relationship. I was wrong, and I want to apologize for all the dauntingly selfish reasons that anyone ever does.
Last I saw her: I quit smoking, I quit caring about activism, didn't know what the fuck I was doing in art school, still took the stance that art was useless and pure bullshit (hell, I still think it is), I was angry. Most of those things are still true today except I smoke more than I ever did, and I'm not angry. I just want to tell her I'm sorry.
I also want to tell her that its funny that all I did was pressure a friend into calling around a few places and people were willing to give up her life story over the phone. Makes me wonder how much information about me is passed around without my knowledge.
Should I have said friend deliver a letter or should I just call her at her job?
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| I Am An Awesome Drunk |
[16 Aug 2004|01:58pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
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music |
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Dead Prez - We Want Freedom |
] |
Seriously, I barely remember this weekend but I can highlight a few points.
1. If I try, I can get any girl's phone number including straight bartenders who are super hot and will ride mechanical bulls with me.
2. If I practice, I can break down up and on the floor all over again. Kay's brother Scott can really throw that motherfucker down. I only went down for 2 rotations, but shit, nobody can break split like me. It made me miss all the old parties like the outlaw raves in the middle of forest hills park, and konkrete jungle at coney island high. I keep telling myself that I should check out the parties here, but it won't be the same because the friends are different.
3. The electric slide at the right time can dominate an entire bar.
4. Robin likes to dirty dance for serious. She didn't even care that my underwear was boring.
5. I really like hot chicken wings.
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[13 Aug 2004|01:01pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
Seriously. Sweater weather makes me so fucking happy, its disgusting.
It was 50 degrees yesterday. It was 60 degrees. I took massive amounts of pictures of me in sweaters. When I'm done and sad, I'll post them, but for now....
GIRLS IN SWEATERS!!!
We totally need trampolines in the middle of all our city parks.
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[09 Aug 2004|01:43pm] |
well shit.
this weekend was weird. plans fell through for everything. in fact, i don't even remember much of it. i do remember that i hit up too many parties for my own tastes and not enough to please all of my friends.
today is fondue mania.
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[05 Aug 2004|03:40pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
Last night I was supposed to have a date. I didn't call the girl. In fact, I couldn't really get up from bed when I got home. I did my laundry. I'm work and all I do is listen to the classical radio station. Schubert, Chopin, whatever and a hundred names I can't spell because I never needed to and then. I wrote a couple of songs last night. I really miss my records from home.
Seriously. I should've just brought them all over. I cannot believe I talked myself out of moving with my records. I cannot believe my mom is trying to talk me into selling them.
I should have a date tonight if I don't flake.
I hate feeling this way.
I hate not being able to do anything about it.
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[02 Aug 2004|07:34pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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superdrag - september girls |
] |
I am convinced that my life is a series of tightly woven routine events. Work, school, and work. 6 hours of shifts with 6 hours of sleep. When blocks of these events are removed, I am filled with boredom. I should be filled with laundry, or video games because there are endless lists of things to do that can't be done during the greater part of the year. I could be out doing nothing.
I am bored-dialing people. Its worse than drunk-dialing. Life is a giant excuse to drink for most so it is entirely understandable to be drunk and making stupid decisions about who to call. There is no excuse for boredom.
At least it turns out, my mixed cd for class was okay.
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[01 Aug 2004|08:59pm] |
oh shit.
i think i'm doing a little more than "liking" her. i'm getting all sorts of retarded over this girl and i'm just a mess.
friday night we had a date. i hate going out on fridays. everyone and their mother prowls the damn streets.
we had dinner and a movie. she paid.
i finally gave her the poem i wrote about her. she gave me a letter she wrote to me in spain. i told her about how once i was riding by her apartment in someone's car and i saw her window open so i wanted to throw rocks through it. she said that would've been fine if i had wrapped them with my underwear. i told her there were easier ways to get my underwear into her room like kidnapping them from my room. she said she thought i meant something else. i told her i always mean something else or i don't mean anything i say at all. i can't lie because i'll think about it. if i talk without thinking, i just make shit up. like right now i want to throw you into the water.
we were sitting on a bridge overlooking the water. we were on the second hour of just talking about nothing. she said we should get going and i told her that i was unable to get up. i was really thinking about throwing us into the water. i told her that the only thing that keeps me from jumping into the water is that there's never a way to get out. essentially you're like an ant dropped into a glass of water. you eventually drown.
she was going to kiss me on the cheek. i'm pretty sure of that. she caught me turning my head instead, and we ended up kissing. i couldn't feel the right side of my body.
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[30 Jul 2004|11:36am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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I was really nervous about the date last night. She said something about going out for coffee. I can't drink coffee. Most of the time when I do, I can feel my heart about to give. She was also the first person I asked out at school. She ran away from me in an elevator. Good for her.
I don't have much to say except that I slept well last night. Better than I have in days.
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[29 Jul 2004|01:17pm] |
I think I have a date tonight.
And I think I have one tomorrow.
I also have 20 cds I burned for my music class.
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| Riding With Death |
[28 Jul 2004|12:41pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
I never post the lyrics to songs up, but there's a first time for everything. This song is amazing:
Late night drive-putting myself in control the first time.
And if this car doesnt kill me tonight,
I know that I must be blessed.
I know that I'll be all right.
I know that I'll live my life exactly as I like
and I'll be just fine.
Unless, of course,
I'm riding with death.
Yesterday i rode with death,
its not quite as it seems.
So many months this was my reality.
Today its only a dream.
Late night drive-putting myself in conrol for the first time.
And if i survive, I know that I must be right.
There will be green grass,
and deep blue skies, pink moons,
and red, red wine rewarding me for my honest try.
I know that i'll live my life exactly as i like
and i'll be just fine.
Unless, of course,
i'm riding with death...
--------------------
if i could describe a day without the word "tired", then i'll be just fine.
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| excitement |
[23 Jul 2004|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
] |
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music |
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mr. t experience - sackcloth and ashes |
] |
as of late, i may arguably be the most uncontactable person. the only people able to contact me have been my step-father and my dentist who are all working together for my teeth.
there is a very good reason for my prolonged absence. i've been working to get a new job. i have gotten said job. i am soon to be conjoined with one other person to work as the directors of design for the school's student galleries. tah-dah!!
that means the following:
1. less hours at banana republic (FUCKING MWA HAHA)
2. job at school - less taxes, on-campus, etc.
3. something relevant to what i just spent three years doing.
4. less all-around grumpiness
5. super-sexy job title
i should go do something like eat lunch or whatever. however, i am going to internet research more about a possible new bike purchase. i don't think last night's dinner sat well with me. stupid chicago seafood.
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[21 Jul 2004|03:37pm] |
My music class is so fucking hilarious. only 3 of us talk during the entire thing. me, this snot guy, and this moron who doesn't know what he's talking about. today's topic was electronica. well at least we were covering drum and bass. the moron is like, well i don't get what the difference between trance, house, and blah blah is and it's all electronic and it's so cliche the way they use voice samples.
we schooled him. it was funny. the class room is large and its funny to watch kids turn their heads back and forth. it reminds me of tennis.
I am now going to the bathroom.
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july_vs_august's journal
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